A Winter's Tale

Apparently two separate studies have found a correlation between racing video game play and increased risk-taking on meatspace roads.

Despite most gamers' insistence that gaming does not affect real-life behavior, anyone who's gotten on the road after playing Rush 2049 or Burnout knows the little, evil robot usses that pop onto the shoulder and insist on taking shortcuts or trying to get more boost by running your fellow commuters off the road.

Unless you live in a location where you have a greater-than-50% chance of your car getting stolen, obliviously leaving your car alarm on to bleat its whiny, incessant klaxon every few minutes is just a really, really great way of invoking the desire to inflict grievous bodily harm on your car from your neighbors.

And if you live in a gated community, then that grievous bodily harm should be directed upon you.

About two years ago, I had BMW send me the BMW Films on DVD--the series of short film/commercials starring Clive Owen as "The Driver," a sort of mercenary-behind-the-wheel-for-hire. The set includes shorts by Guy Ritchie, Wong Kar-Wai, John Frankenheimer, and John Woo, all about a different job for The Driver.

I mention this because it was in these films that I first saw the BMW Z4 Roadster. I've ridden in the earlier incarnation, and I always thought the styling of the Z3 left much to be desired. In my opinion the Z4 has a better look--more streamlined, less clumsy. So imagine some two years later that I finally see what's one of the neatest style choices on the Z4.

Pictured at the right, you can see the Z4's side marker. On just about every other car, the side marker is just a simple reflector lens, generally that safety yellow/orange color, stuck on the side of the car, blinking in unison with the turn signals. Most car manufacturers will try to make the side marker unobtrusive. The Z4, however, incorporates the side marker into the design of the car--surrounding the BMW emblem is a concave circle, and when the turn signal turns on, it backlights the emblem. Way cool.

So why did it take me two years to discover this? Why do all the "car people" I tell this to not already know about it? I guess average BMW drivers (in Atlanta, no less) tend to eschew the use of their turn signals...

Sure, there's all of about a screw's worth of damage, but, given that I've had thing for less than six months, I hope your blatant disregard for other people's property curses you with small sexual organs, protuberant nasal hairs, and hirsute daughters.

Fuck you very much,
That Yellow Bastard.

Right now, it feels like it's about 50 degrees outside, with a non-insignificant wind chill that always seems to hover around my place (granted, to someone who lives further north than Atlanta, this is nothing, but it's a little more than chilly for someone who grew up in Miami). Since I've been sick for the past four days with a hollowed-out throat, I've pretty much watched all the TiVo I can stand.

And now I really, really want to wash my car.

Had the following IM exchange this morning:

[10:17] Cap'n Ken: Nice ride. I like the MIssissippi State colors
[10:17] tmhsiao: Step off.
[10:17] tmhsiao: :)
[10:17] Cap'n Ken: :-)
[10:18] tmhsiao: Think of it this way, would you ever drive a Bright yellow and bright purple car?
[10:18] Cap'n Ken: I'd drive a yellow car with tasteful purple accents
[10:18] tmhsiao: lol
[10:19] tmhsiao: somehow, I don't ever see a car bright yellow with tasteful purple accents ever existing.
[10:19] tmhsiao: Now, I love the Gators, but honestly, Orange and Blue is a pretty distasteful color combination.
[10:21] Cap'n Ken: Especially on the people who tend to wear it
[10:21] Cap'n Ken: Not as bad as some orange, though
[10:21] tmhsiao: Just hanging around the tailgate field on game day will show you some pretty hideous people wearing orange and blue camo pants.
[10:21] tmhsiao: indeed.
[10:21] tmhsiao: at least it's not that pale crap orange...
[10:21] Cap'n Ken: and you're off base on the purple/gold car thing
[10:21] Cap'n Ken: http://p.vtourist.com/1176375.jpg
[10:21] tmhsiao: ROFL
...
[10:24] tmhsiao: I remember I had two pieces of clothing--an orange shirt, and a red&black sweater that people got on my case about the Tenn and UGA implications.
[10:24] tmhsiao: I stopped wearing the orange shirt.
...
[10:25] Cap'n Ken: yeah, you have to be careful about that ... although it's usually chicks who mistakenly wear other team colors
[10:25] tmhsiao: sheesh. It's just a sweater.
[10:25] tmhsiao: at least there's no danger of wearing yellow and purple.
[10:25] tmhsiao: although, I *am* yellow. so I just got to avoid purple.
[10:26] Cap'n Ken: good point
[10:26] Cap'n Ken: No luck coming up with the LSU tiger-striped Cadillac that's famous in Baton Rouge
[10:26] tmhsiao: http://www246.pair.com/autoybkh/albums/funnies_/FSU_car2_1.jpg
[10:28] Cap'n Ken: nice

On monday, I asked y'all what you thought was the ugliest car on the road today. xopherg may have been prescient enough to come up with the following answer:

aha! trick question.

its the one being driven by you.

So I did buy a new car tonight, and while it was none of the ones specified in the answer to my query, some may very well award it the ugliest car on the road. Personally, I think it has some stylistic charm.

I'll leave you to guess what it is, with the following hint: my new car is not unlike the Tardis, in size, in shape, and in that the outside dimensions belie a cavernous inside.

If you had to buy a car, and money was an object, what's the cheapest, coolest car you can think of?

Edit: Instead of 'cheapest,' think 'reasonably priced'...

The car is now in the hands of Atlanta Import Collision. I have a rental car reservation for pickup tomorrow. My back is inordinately sore.

In the copious time I've had to spend on the phone today (including a conference call I sat on for work), I've gotten a little better at the chip twirl and chip flip.

I suspect much of my commuting for the next week will be exclusively between work and home.

Sigh

When you're driving on an interstate-to-interstate on-ramp, and there's a moderately-sized upturned orange cone in the middle of the left lane, consider the following before making a complete and abrupt stop on the on-ramp:

1. You are driving a Mercedes Benz M Class SUV. Since it's on its side, the cone will likely pass right under your car.
2. There are a few large and heavy vehicles moving at a fast rate of speed behind you.
3. Whatever damage the soft plastic cone may cause to the undercarriage of your overpriced luxury SUV is in no way comparable to the damage it will receive if I plow my vehicle into its backside.
4. Next time, quit being a fucking assbag, don't speed up your car in some machismo-inspired act of roadhoggery, and let the person in the merge lane merge. Maybe next time you won't get caught by a stupid cone unawares, and nearly kill the three drivers behind you.

And to think, more than likely, if I hadn't avoided your stupid, big, silver ass, I would have been the one at fault.