Dear Happiness

A friend asked me to write 500 words on how I feel about where I am in life now. "Call it pre-therapy," she said, referring to my recent desire to visit an actual therapist.

So, where do I begin? Usually when people talk about "where they are in life," we talk career, lovelife, money situation, living situation, etc. etc.

So I'll start with the easy stuff--I like where I'm living. Atlanta is a fun town, and I own my place. I've a wonderful set of friends around town. Financially, I don't have many worries. The last time I checked my credit score it was 802. I've got about a year's worth of savings in the bank, so I'm not terribly concerned about having just quit my job.

Which brings me to my career. Like I said, I recently quit my job. Working on this contract has long lost any sort of appeal for me, so for a long time I was content to merely attend to my daily duties, collecting my paycheck at the end of the respective pay periods. When I quit, I let my boss know that I was unhappy with the work that we were doing.

Part of me is tired of working in computers. Having taken various amateur personality tests, I've come to discover that my personality is more suited to creative pursuits. What do I do, then? Aside from a desire to be a published writer, I've got no real other direction to take my career other than my training in computers.

I'll talk about my lovelife (or lack thereof) in another post.

Dear Happiness

I remember about a year ago, on Valentine's Day, I bumped into a friend that I hadn't seen in a while--months, perhaps even years. We spoke briefly, and when she asked how I was, I shrugged, "I'm ok...I'm without a Valentine on Valentine's Day..." I've never liked Valentine's Day, even when I've been in relationships. Aside from the usual complaints, Valentine's Day presents the ridiculous expectation that the day in question is somehow supposed to be more than romantic to the remaining days of the year.

About a month ago, we got together, my first real relationship after a period of approximately five years. Before that, I had fallen into a very comfortable routine--get up in the morning, go to work, come home, watch some television or go to the bar, read something before bed. It wasn't happiness; I always felt like I wanted to be in a relationship, but I was...content to live this simple, routine life.

When we parted, however, I found my old life soulless, empty. No longer have I a faith to rely upon for support. My friends have their own cares, their own worries. Watching the same shows that you and I watched before simply fills me with longing for your company. The fictional universes which sustained me for so long in my solitude are shadows compared to living a life of which I had a brief taste.

And even though I know that the time we spent together is over, even though I know I cannot go back to having you in my life, even though I may actively work to finding a new relationship, my heart is heavy with the knowledge that there is nothing for me in my previous life. The person I was for those five years is lost now.

Excerpt

"Say, Pooh, why aren't you busy?" I said.
"Because it's a nice day," said Pooh.
"Yes, but--"
"Why ruin it?" he said.
"But you could be doing something Important," I said.
"I am," said Pooh.
"Oh? Doing What?"
"Listening," he said.
"Listening to what?"
"To the birds. And that squirrel over there."
"What are they saying?" I asked.
"That it's a nice day," said Pooh.
"But you know that already," I said.
"Yes, but it's always good to hear that somebody else thinks so too," he replied.