Dear Happiness
Jan. 30th, 2006 01:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepeopleseasonI remember about a year ago, on Valentine's Day, I bumped into a friend that I hadn't seen in a while--months, perhaps even years. We spoke briefly, and when she asked how I was, I shrugged, "I'm ok...I'm without a Valentine on Valentine's Day..." I've never liked Valentine's Day, even when I've been in relationships. Aside from the usual complaints, Valentine's Day presents the ridiculous expectation that the day in question is somehow supposed to be more than romantic to the remaining days of the year.
About a month ago, we got together, my first real relationship after a period of approximately five years. Before that, I had fallen into a very comfortable routine--get up in the morning, go to work, come home, watch some television or go to the bar, read something before bed. It wasn't happiness; I always felt like I wanted to be in a relationship, but I was...content to live this simple, routine life.
When we parted, however, I found my old life soulless, empty. No longer have I a faith to rely upon for support. My friends have their own cares, their own worries. Watching the same shows that you and I watched before simply fills me with longing for your company. The fictional universes which sustained me for so long in my solitude are shadows compared to living a life of which I had a brief taste.
And even though I know that the time we spent together is over, even though I know I cannot go back to having you in my life, even though I may actively work to finding a new relationship, my heart is heavy with the knowledge that there is nothing for me in my previous life. The person I was for those five years is lost now.
About a month ago, we got together, my first real relationship after a period of approximately five years. Before that, I had fallen into a very comfortable routine--get up in the morning, go to work, come home, watch some television or go to the bar, read something before bed. It wasn't happiness; I always felt like I wanted to be in a relationship, but I was...content to live this simple, routine life.
When we parted, however, I found my old life soulless, empty. No longer have I a faith to rely upon for support. My friends have their own cares, their own worries. Watching the same shows that you and I watched before simply fills me with longing for your company. The fictional universes which sustained me for so long in my solitude are shadows compared to living a life of which I had a brief taste.
And even though I know that the time we spent together is over, even though I know I cannot go back to having you in my life, even though I may actively work to finding a new relationship, my heart is heavy with the knowledge that there is nothing for me in my previous life. The person I was for those five years is lost now.
