thepeopleseason | Let me rest in peace

My dad called me as I was driving back from lunch today.

He had just received a call from a woman named Nicole, asking about me and something about "final affair." He had some pointed questions for me--did I know what she was talking about? Have I done something to be concerned about?

Now I suspect the presence of the word "affair" in her query makes him think that I'm up to my old imaginary lifestyle of whoring and womanizing that he's long suspected me of leading when living some 650 or so miles away from him. "Final affairs," however, to me suggests something entirely different, unless you're a complete sicko perv.

I call him back after I get to the office so I can get Nicole's number to call her and figure out what's going on. After bouncing around on hold, I finally get her on the line.

"Hello, this is Nicole."
"Hi, Nicole, this is James Hsiao. You placed a call to me earlier. Can I help you?"
"Umm... yeah. According to our records, you're deceased."

Apparently, I'm dead.

She asked me to verify the last four digits of my SSN. I wonder what would have happened had I said that she had a match...